Month's end

So its day 30 today. I cannot believe that all that time has passed. The book has been really helpful in helping me through these 30 days and I have learned many things about myself that I had never known or cared to face before now. I'm feeling way better than I did initially, I've got my routine and it has helped.


The things I have learned: I was codependent on her for affection, happiness and approval. I needed her validation because my own was not good enough (that's painful to type). I made her the centre of my happiness, much to my dismay. I stayed because of these issues, because I felt that I wasn't good enough to find someone else, that this was my only shot at happiness. I need to work on accepting myself for the person that I am, to realize that happiness comes from within one's self and not from others. That I do not need another's approval, the only one that matters is my own. The book says if you really want the love of another to be real in this world, don't need that person. How profound! I based my daily routine around her, and that's why I felt so alone and lost initially even though we didn't live together. She was the first thing on my mind each day, it was an addiction.


I've been out on one date, however awkward that experience was lols, it just shows that I'm attractive to some, but it was just a distraction for me. There are still moments that come, I acknowledge them, but do not dwell on them like I used to. She is living a life of her own choosing, without me and dwelling on the past relationship merely gives her ghost power over me. I have started to move forward, cautiously optimistic and always open minded.
For this experience I am most thankful, for the memories and for the lessons. I do not know when I will start dating again, but it is my fervent wish that my next relationship be better than my previous. It will be because of all that I have learned about myself.