Saturday

Woke up about 10 mins ago, the house is quiet, there is some comfort in knowing that my family are only a few steps away. Planning on heading back this morning, thoughts of her have crossed my mind this early in the day, and I know there will be more to come. I am calm today. We stayed at Tims till 0030 this morning just shooting the shit. The guys have asked if an engagement is in order, they still do not know. I have dropped vague hints that it is over, the laughed of course they have heard it all before. You say you guys fight but when we see you together you both seem ok they say. 


Just recalling last night's conversation is making me miss her already. I feel a sense of longing, like all I want to do right now is to just pick up the phone and talk to her, to make plans for the day. Then I think about why we broke up. She was never an emotional person as she explained, and was never raised that way. No one in her family ever really says"I love you" or talks openly about their emotions. I told her that I didn't feel appreciated at times, that it seemed that I looked forward to seeing her more than she did. Even initially, she wasn't that affectionate but that improved somewhat over the course of our relationship. I did feel that I was taken for granted, that no matter what she did I would still be there. She responded many a time that if she didn't care for me then she wouldn't be with me or spend time with my family and vice versa. I need to be told once in a while that I am appreciated, that I mean something to someone, that over the course of the day to let me know that I do cross their mind. I never really got that validation. Or when talking about the state of our relationship which she finds "annoying" Not that I want to hear these things on a daily basis, I'm not a narcissist by any means. But once in a while its nice to hear these things, a little means a lot.


So we were already at an impasse. Do I stay and just deal with things the way they are, without feeling appreciated, hoping one day things will improve. Maybe she's still hurt from her previous relationship and is not too trusting or is unsure about my intentions, etc. Oh the ways I have tried to rationalize it all. Some people at work have told me that she's not the one, even before we ended our relationship. But having her around until something better comes along? That's just mean and I wouldn't appreciate it if it was done to me.
Do I leave? Leave it all behind because even if I stay, these issues are still under the surface, just waiting for an opportunity to come out. And no one really likes to hear "complaints" about them. Maybe there is something better and because life is too short to be unhappy. As hard as it is to leave, that was my decision. Our relationship had run its course at the present time. 


There is some comfort in a clean break. Knowing that you were both honest with each other about the relationship and decided to break it off cleanly before anyone did anything hurtful.