Echoes and ripples...

Headed back to Linus and Julie's place for the game and some sushi, which was totally awesome! Those two have always been great at making stuff from scratch. Alfred and Ron were also there. The dinner and game were great. I had left my phone in the car and didn't leave until around 2200. Checked my phone and there was a text message from her at around 1930 or so, I hope you are doing ok. I showed Ron, and his response was lets play some COD. I debated on whether or not to respond. I decided to call while on Airport Road, basically just saying that I'm doing alright and will be fine in the long run. I did acknowledge the fact that it hasn't been easy. She asked if I got her text message about the costco card, and I explained that I did and told her how I felt. She said that she doesn't have much going on these days and thought that she would share the highlight of her day with me. I wished her a happy birthday to which she replied jokingly, a little late aren't we. I reminded her about our situation and just told her to let me know if she needed anything and wished her all the best. As I'm pulling into my street, I get another text message, I'm sorry about all this. I ended up calling her back and explained that I was sorry as well, but through it all I meant all that I have said and there was nothing left unsaid between us and there is nothing more I can do. She said that it was a frustrating week and she was tired of all the fighting, etc. She sent the text message because she hadn't heard from me in a few days. I told her that she wanted to leave things as they were and not fix them, so there was nothing else for me to say or do. Why keep on trying. It takes two people to work on it and there weren't two people willing to try that day. I told her that I understand all that she had said during our past breakups, and that I had been stubborn because I didn't want to quit. And during our last break up there was never a good time to break up and did I want to force her to stay and fake the holidays with my friends and family? She replied that she was never forced to do anything she didn't want to do, she wanted to be there. She said that its been hard for her as well. She did ask Julie about me and she knew about last Friday nights vodka and pizza spectacular. Basically echoes of the past, the same words predictably heading towards the same endpoint. She wants to work things out but fears the same ending. I don't want to try, there are fundamental differences that need to be resolved, I will not go back until these issues are resolved. This is too much to handle emotionally. There is nothing more I can say or do and time apart is what is needed. Quiet resignation and acknowledgement. I feel better about it all today. The sun rises each day and with it comes endless possibilities.