Jumbled...

Woke up today, was going to text, but talked myself out of it. It wouldn't change anything between us, its still over. I have compromised enough to make things work. I would like to have somebody that really cares about me, that wants to talk to me about anything, that looks forward to talking to me or seeing me. I want to feel appreciated and I never really felt that way. She couldn't find the time to send me a text message at some point during the day (when she was off work) just to say hi or see how my day was going; to let me know that she was thinking about me and didn't really see how little things like that make a big difference. Towards the end it felt empty. She knows how I feel and I know how she feels. We both agreed a beak would be the best idea. Don't want to end up in the same spot a few years or months down the road and wish that it would have ended sooner. All the same ongoing issues are rehashed with each subsequent argument and never really resolved, so what's the point. The realization is harsh, and cold but necessary. One's happiness in life shouldn't be dependent solely on one person. You are in charge of your own happiness and other people are there to enhance it, not be the sole reason for your happiness. It hurts, I was stubborn and wanted to keep trying, maybe things will change. Now I see how futile that thought patten really is. She has said that I want someone else, I said that I want her. I just wanted her to tell me that she cares, that we are great together,etc. not all the time but it would be nice to hear. But I'm not worth that effort, and so it must end. I cannot stay or go back, not this time around. If she wants to call, she will call. I have to stop waiting or checking my blackberry. It's called a break up because its broken.