Wednesday

Talked to Marie about it all last night. I told her how things can be difficult at times but for the most part I am doing alright. She said that from her perspective, I have spent the better part of the last year and a bit trying to be happy in my relationship, instead of being happy. She feels that I can do better and that I deserve better. I told her about how when we're together, I just lose myself in the moment and how I have never really felt that way about anyone before, when we are great we are awesome, but when we are bad we are brutal. How she's the first person I have ever considered having a future with. She talked about how I am on a hot air balloon and heading towards a really tall mountain. I can either hit the mountain, or cut some sandbags loose to make the balloon float higher. I should just cut her loose. She said that I should just keep busy, not work busy but busy with stuff that I enjoy doing. I never did wish her a happy birthday yesterday. Louise feels that I have now "shut the door" by not doing so. What would I gain by it? Would I be left feeling anxious if the text was not acknowledged, would I end up calling her to make sure she got it? A clean break is my goal and not having any contact is essential. I know that it's over between us, as much as it hurts me to acknowledge it. What she does now has no impact on me, unless I want it to impact me by thinking or wondering about it. I have nothing left to say and my feelings are perfectly clear. It takes two people to be in a relationship and to try and work things out, one cannot do it alone. The sun will shine again tomorrow and every day is an opportunity to enjoy life, not to be spend moping. I haven't lost anything except for her. I still have everything that I went into the relationship with. I had fun before she came along and will have fun again long after she is gone.